‘Little Guy’ Taunts Result In Frog Fight

Big the Cat | April 1, 2010

Police were nasty last night as BIGNEWS’ own Big the Cat was subjected to verbal assaults and mean things that was thrown at me. And would you believe it – the kerfuffle was all about my best friend Froggy.

Alerts were done outside the Station Square bar, where people like to drink and play. BIGNEWS’ own Big the Cat – that’s me, hee – decided to take my best friend Froggy out for a drink, because we are best friends and having drinks should be what best friends do.

It was rumoured by myself because I know it happened that when Mr. the Cat suggested to Froggy to go out and have fun because best buddies 4 lyfe, Froggy was not very pleased. I think… BIGNEWS establishes from that that Froggy was just too tired. He likes water mostly, and to swim. I don’t like swimming in water much, only drinking it. I offered him to sit in my cocktail glass to have a swim, but he said something about ‘hobo’ and stormed off before I catched him. At least, BIGNEWS was led to believe it was ‘hobo’.

Anyway, Cat and Froggy went to bar and had some drinks. Then a man – who BIGNEWS heard from eyewitness accounts like me that he was a complete bumface – offered to buy Froggy off of Mr. Big. It was established that this French man, who was French, wanted Froggy for some kinda restaurant.

As his guardian, Big of BIGNEWS was like ‘no’. I always knew Froggy wanted to be a chef, but I couldn’t deal with a long distance relationship. And Froggy always wanted to be by the river, in the Mystic Ruins where I sort of live. I think. So I told him some things that may have been derogatory and threatening but who knows becuase lets face it I have a spotty memory. Hee.

Man was angry at whatever it was that I said which most likely wasn’t bad at all. He called Big the Cat, and all that he stood for, including BIGNEWS, an “ugly fat guy.” I am programmed by Sega to continue my theme song if anyone ever addressed part of the lyrics to me, so I replied immediately with “hey little guy.”

Now man was mad and picked up this frog that Froggy was chatting up at the time. It hit me. I picked up Froggy and throw him at Frenchy. Pandemonium ensued as people shrieked over flying frogs, and police arrived as I belly flopped on the French man’s face like I do in Sonic Heroes (“Ho-Hoooo!”). BIGNEWS can appreciate how it looked quite bad, but it wasn’t bad because Big is a nice friendly cat.

The result? Mr Cat got off with a caution, and Froggy forgive him for throwing him – he understood it was in the name of my honour and integrity, even if he almost hit a passing truck in flight. Now, things are back to normal, and Froggy likes to hop away from me and try and make me catch him. He is funny, my Froggy. My Froggyyyyyy.

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32 Comments

  2. Big! I want a Big pol about something that’s not important, but worded in a way that you feel it is the single most important thing on the planet… Plagiarism! I had my likness put onto a frog! And they didn’t tell me!

  6. This is the shizzle man… BIG needs more LOVE. Bravo Svend and TSS team…

    This year’s April Fool is refreshing and really well done. I also have to point out the the presentation of it is execellent. Be sure to save this format for the archives. Keep up the lovin’ mates!

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BIGNEWS

Hello. My name is Big the Cat. I like to fish a lot, and play with myf riend Froggy. He runs away sometimes, and I look for him because he would never leave his best buddy and pal. I also like to sit down.
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