1999, Sega Headquarters

“Hey boss! It seems the kids really liked Sonic Adventure, except for uh… every character that wasn’t Sonic. Also, the adventure. What should we do for the sequel?”

“Hmm… Sonic Adventure 2! Add new characters, some all new adventure… it’ll be a hit, I tells ya, a hit!”

2001, Sega Headquarters

“Well boss, Sonic Adventure 2 was received pretty well, but people still want nothing to do with those side-characters. What now?”

“Hmm… Sonic Heroes! This time, we’ll force them to play as side-characters even while playing as Sonic! It’s genius, I tells ya, genius!”

2004, Sega Headquarters

“Boss, Sonic Heroes didn’t go over very well. I really think we should listen to the fans, and pare it back down to just Sonic alone. What do you say?”

“Hmm… Shadow the Hedgehog! Kids love the streets, see. You know, gansta lifestyles? They won’t even care about Sonic once we give them a look-alike with a motherf***ing gun. Thug life, yo!” Continue reading The History of Sonic, as told by 1UP