We, I mean I, review the latest SEGA classic.
By Big the Cat, April 1 2016

I wanted to keep it a surprise because i’m a prefectionist, but yes it true. SEGA is making a game based entirely about me. Well, I say SEGA’s making it… I just kinda stole one of their ‘computers’ and made it myself with Froggy. Hee.

Big’s Big Fishing Adventure 3 stars me, Big the Cat. I’m the hero for a change. Feels good. It a redemption story, about one cat’s journey across dark sceneries battling numerous bad guys to ensure a Good Future for all. The only thing that’s stopping me from finishing the game is that Froggy’s gone and hopped away again.

I gotta find him, otherwise how will you know what the game plays like? You can follow my journey by going here to play what I got so far, but honestly without Froggy I don’t know if I can ever finish it.

… And I’m not asking Norton for help, he can stop drinking the milk from my fridge before I start talking to him again. Here’s why my game is good.

It Has Suspense and Intrigue

Seriously this game will blow your tiny little mind, and they don’t get tinier than mine. I was absolutely flabbergasted at how deep my story was. I talk to loads of people, including this chump up there. He’s all like, ‘I don’t know where Froggy is why do I even care’. You do care Eggman. Everybody cares. It’s Froggy. I care…

Your Mind Will Be Taxed

It’s not just amazing stories that you get to read in my game though. Oh no, there is real gaming experience locked on inside. This game allows you to solve my maze. It’s brilliant because as a hardcore gamer myself, I am always perplexed by corridor shooters – I just keep getting lost! You can now experience this very feeling with this maze stage. You need to select a certain option in my game’s dialogue to be able to play this level though, hee.

Flap In The Freedom

I’m crazy, yo. I can just go into space and it isn’t even one item in my inventory. But, the problem with space is that it’s not weightless. You fall pretty fast due to the gravity. That is a science that I just said. So with that in mind, one of the stages you will play involves getting past a series of gates whilst nimbly guiding my slim visage between the gaps. What’s that? Flappy who? I don’t know him. I know Flicky though. He’s nice.

Anyway, the trick to this game is timing your button presses, because it quite hard. Again, like maze, you need to select certain option in dialogue before you can enjoy this one. See how much depth is in my game??

Something’s Biting

You didn’t think I’d make a game and not have fishing in it, did you? Then you are a silly. Hee, you so silly. Big is intelligent, because with Big’s Big Fishing Adventure 3 you are getting a fishing level within it. The name of the game provides a clue to this. As you would expect from my previous high-octane stages in Sonic Adventure, there will be thrills and spills as you try to fish for Froggy. Prepare for excitement on another existential plane!

Choose Your Big Adventure

You have complete control over everything that happens in Big’s Big Fishing Adventure 3. Absolutely everything. That’s a Big Guarantee. The only thing you can’t change is how we’re dressed, where we go, who the characters are and most of the dialogue, but one of the best things about freedom is the restrictions imposed upon you. I read that in a philanthrosophy book once.

Enjoy playing my game, it’s for you! Go to http://bigthec.at/ and maybe I’ll get another five dollars to finish it.

I give this game Five out of Five.