YOFO, bro. Time to see what make good fishing technicque.
By Big the Cat, April 1 2016

Everyone know that fishing is way of life. Big know that you come to him to seek epic guidance. And ROFLMAOFFLBLOP (I made that up, hee, I’m hip), it turns out that I’m the best guy to ask around for stuff to do with fishing. I mean, right? Think of me as a Buddha of fish. Does that work? Yeah it works. So listen to me as I tell you about the only real advice that I can actually give.

1. Upgrade Your Fishing Rod

So the first thing you need to do is get a fishing rod. Then forget the fishing rod, because the fishing rod you just got is rubbish. It needs to be bigger, badder, better, wetter and washer. What? Anyway, get yourself some upgrades to your pole, it not too hard. People leave this stuff lying around in Station Square all the time. I found a thing in the sewers once and I was just checking out some awesome grills. So check high and low!

2. Get a Rubber Ring

This is some science I say now, but did you know that if you go in water you don’t float? What genius thought of that when they were inventing this crazy liquid? So make sure you beat the man and get yourself a nice, comfy rubber ring. It make you float, making it easier to fish, and it also make your belly feel warm. Hee.

3. Location is Everything

The best places to go fish are the places you never expect to find fish. Confused? You bet I am! I’ve tried everywhere – lava canyons, containment tanks on flying warships, polar ice caps – and the one thing I’ve learned is that you can get an awful lot of variety by going to different places.

4. Smell Your Prey

Use all of your senses. I don’t have much in the way of thinking, so my senses is all I have. It’s why I’m a master tracker. Try honing your smell skills by sniffing a freshly-baked cake when your nose is right next to it. Then try smelling from the next room. Then two rooms away. Then three. And so on. It’s how I’m able to smell Froggy from sixty miles away when I was in Bullet Station that one time. I got to smell him good.

5. Go For the Delicacies

Boy I tell ya, there’s just no mistaking a nice tasty Drakon fish compared to all those other little plankton that I catch. I mean, their teeth get a little bit crunchy, but at the end of the day these guys have been maturing for thousands of years or something, so having that grilled with a tartare sauce can really make your day. Yum.

6. Feel No Pain

Sometimes you just got to hit the dum fish where it hurts. Especially on days when you think SOMETHING’S BITING, but then you realise NOTHING’S BITING. Here, I am using an old move I call Feel No Pain, which I think was a gift entrusted to me by Master ShenLong of the InvulneraTribe. I think. Either way, I can beat stuff up good and can’t feel a thing, so that must be useful right?

7. Ho-Hooooo!

You see fish. Fish all the way over there. Why is it all the way over there? Your rod, even with all the upgrades, cannot reach. So what do? You get up, jump high in the air, belly flop into the body of water with a satisfying ‘HO-HOOOO’ and boom. No more water, it all splash out. You can just pick up the fish then. Hee.

8. Find a Nice, Remote, Quiet Spot

Fish like nothing more than peace and quiet. So Big gon’ give it to ’em. Gon’ give it to ’em. Gon give it to ’em… What? Anyway, go somewhere quiet. I am usually quite un-noisy, so I can find the perfect spots to go and get me some fish. Somewhere where nobody ever…

…oh. Well, you know, you can’t win them all. Doesn’t happen often. Mostly when my blue spiky friend comes near me and does some saving-the-world thing I can just get up and go somewhere else. Usually when apocalyptic forests are too noisy, activated missile bases are just the perfect spot to–

For Fluff’s Sake.

9. Mech the Most of It

If you want to give those little punks what for, and you’re just not having a Lazy Day no matter what you do, why not steal an Egg Walker and blam the fish out of the water? Environmentally safe!

10. Hyper-Go-On And Fish

Just suck the whole fish, lake, earth and cosmos out of existence with an Indigo Asteroid Wisp, and embrace the sweet taste of oblivion.